• me as a pedestrian: [catwalks slowly across street as 90 cars pile up behind each other trying to turn; throws modelesque glance backwards over designer shades] [car inches into crosswalk] HOW DARE YOU COME WITHIN FIVE FEET OF ME!? I HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY??? SEE YOU IN COURT YOU CAPITALIST, PLANET-DESTROYING SCUM
  • me driving: say your prayers
  • straight couple: *make out in public at random intervals in weird places*
  • straight couple: *grabs each other's asses in public*
  • straight couple: *are not in any way inconspicuous about the fact that they are feeling each other up in public*
  • gay couple: *holds hands in public*
  • straight people: that is VILE and it is CORRUPTING my entire FAMILY. my grandmother is crying. my children have all shit their pants at the same time. WHO WILL THINK OF THE CHILDREN